Hi! this is a long story, and its about time i wrote it. It could be that you should maybe grab a cup of tea and read, it also has an interview with god. ok, this is the full story, its long and daunting and worth it.
Here we go..
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Ok..
So i went to this place called San Jose, its a pueblo on the peak of some mountains in Mexico, the clouds touch the town and its like a point where the sky meets the earth, its about 3000 metres above sea level and the pueblo is all based around shrooms.
But these aren't just any shrooms, they're sacred schrooms, you rent your personal cabin on the edge of the mountain, by yourself, basically looking into infinity.. you talk to a shaman for a while before ingesting, he tells you how to go and then you take them.
"Respect the hongos (mushrooms) and they will respect you, tell them what you are here for" He said.
"I am here to learn" I told them, and ate five.
I dont know what happened, I took the shrooms at 6, and within an hour I started feeling lightheaded like I'd taken some ecstasy, but then that passed, and everything around me started breathing and moving in flux, especially the trees, and it was like.. you know the windows media screen saver where everything turns into little symmetrical squares that fluctuate? It was like that.. then I started hearing echoes from really far away, and everything around me resonated as if in slow motion, rainbows formed around the edges of the clouds in the sky and I started laughing because i couldn't believe how cliched my hallucinations were, but then the clouds began moving much quicker than usual, joined together, and turned into the face of GOD! and it said in a deep voice
"Hello.." and im like
"ARE YOU GOD?!" and they're like
"We are a part of god, we represent god, as in everything, yes" and then they explain to me that they were the schrooms talking to me, and i could talk back to them, and that the town is run by the schrooms, that they decide who comes and goes and who takes them andthat id been invited.
and im like ok..
But then i look down at this bit of wood and there's GOD TOO! and then all these crazy gods, like brahman, and siddharta, and jesus, and Kali, and quetalcoatl and basically every god from every culture just appear and they start dancing, and the thing turns into this whole musical, but its the music of life.. and then i see all this sacred geometry everywhere! and by this point im talking to god hardcore but not even with words, its just this direct flux of information, and then i realize that was just an introduction, and im there to learn something, so i look up to the clouds and say "what" and he says "you know" and i sit there, and im scared of looking at him head on, but everytime i look away he appears in front of me, so i laugh, about how feeble it is to try and avoid gods gaze yeah? and so i laugh and he says, laugh! it helps you get over your fear! and im like, ok gimme some time, i laugh and laugh and shite, till i settle down and look up and man, its hard to look at him in the eye, but he thinks its cute, and i know it, and that makes me laugh more, and he, is the mountain, and the wood and everything, but you can try to look away until you get the guts to look at him face on, and its scary, cuz it means facing yourself and everything head on. So i look at him, and man, its like getting blasted by a solar flare, and i hold the stare, and laugh, and smile like a giddy child who cant believe whats going on, and tears begin to stream down my cheeks. Im crying and laughing at the same time and getting blown away and like this we face off for a while, and man, he's like, compassionate and all knowing, but also with lots of authority, and i say, ok so im here because ive got this problem, i dont know what it is, but its inside me and im carrying it and it makes me feel sad and heavy and scared and im not comfortable, please help.
I sit down, and he, is the mountain, (in fact, by this point i was no longer seeing any visions, I was staring at a mountain and I knew for a fact that it was god). But I am still so nervous to look at him, at the mountain again, I keep looking away and he starts to laugh.
I scream at him "
Why are you laughing at me?!!!" and he says,
"Because I am ALWAYS in front of you, and you can
never look away away from me. You think you dont deserve to see me, but of course you always do, you always have and you always will and I think it's amusing, and cute." and so i laugh and he says,
'laugh! it helps you get over your fear!' and im like, ok gimme some time, i laugh and laugh, till i settle down and look up and man, its still hard to look at him in the eye, but he thinks its cute, and i know it, and that makes me laugh more.
Then i just sit there for a while, and i say, dude im cold can we continue this in the cabin (because i was out in the mountains by this time) and so i get up and i get lost! totally lost, its pitch black and im not just lost in the mountain and in reality but also in my trip, all i can see is fractals spiraling around me in electric colors, and universes and shapes, and BOB! and George bush! (i think i remember being told that Bob and Bush are the same man, and that they are just here to prove how ridiculous it all is, and especially that we believe it and take it so seriously) anyway im SOO lost in the woods, im scared to walk even one step because I feel like im going to fall off the universe..
But every time im about to give up and stop moving, god says, just do something, and ill take care of the rest, so i just go for it, and i follow a light in the distance and somehow in a little clearing where I sit and feel perfectly safe. and then god reveals to me
the answer! And i beg that he lets me remember, and he says, no, youll only remember your reaction. And what was my reaction (this i remember clearly).
Laughter.
And then i said "i gotta give it to you man, im impressed, thats a great answer".
But i dont remember the answer!!!!!
But i do remember splitting into two, and seeing myself and then becoming infinite etc. CRAZY.
So then I walk up the mountain till i find an old indigenous man who asks me "are you ok do you need my help" and i reply "yes, i am totally lost, i need to find my cabin", so he walks me to it but the walk is like a snails shell, as in its just this perfect circles getting smaller each time.. till i get to my room and then i sit down and (ive been lost for like 2 hours here) im like FUCK! and im feeling sick as all hell and i feel like im dying.
The closest I can liken it to (and i don't know how) is child birth. Like I am the child fighting to come out of the womb, and I really do not want to, yet if I give up the fight I'll die. I fight and fight with my mind, Its like a test of will on whether I really want to live.. and my feet touch this ocean of nothingess, as if dipped in the void, and recoil! I do NOT want to die. I fight back till I break through the threshhold and then i BURP! and it was like i burped so much smog and pollution, i could feel it, taste it, in fact my clothes smelt like they'd been inside an exhaust pipe just from that burp which was massive, and i realized that there it was, id trusted and found my way home, and thats all i ever wanted, to go home, but home is always there its just that you need to know and trust that or you wont realize it.
So then i need to pee yeah, and all this time im still seeing crazy mathematics, the big bang, the history of the world, my birth, the people in my bloodline, etc. Im scared to go out and piss cuz i might get lost again so i get on my knees and piss into the bin in the cabin, and the bin is a yin yang! and my piss is the universe being pissed away into the toilet bowl of life, or a black hole! I see myself from outside of my body, on my knees, peeing and I realize how funny and sad it is at the same time, but I feel so relieved.
And then i say "there it is" and i realize id just burped and pissed all this shit id been carrying with me for 3 years which i couldnt get rid of, and then i get told that i was carrying other people shit too and that i was transmuting it because they couldnt, and that id done a great job! and im soo happy! and im like YES!! but then the whole thing starts again, i get lost, but this time im lost in my thoughts, and i dont know why, and I see symbols everywhere! the pyramid with the eye, the virgin mary, the crucifixion etc.
Everything is a symbol representing the truth, and you can look at it however you want, in order for the universe to work, i.e keep moving and evolve, it needs a motivating and demotivating factor, these are
the unknown and the forgotten, which are the same thing.
So we are looking for something we don't know which we use to know - we've forgotten and that keeps things moving! and it applies to everything. And jesus is just an archetype, i,e a symbol that represents ACTION and GIVING UP! Jesus ultimately GAVE UP. He suffered heaps but he took action, and he gave up, and like with picking up girls, its when you give up that you win. THAT IS SLACK! But first you need to try, but you give up the outcome because thats up to god, i.e the whole.
We are obsessed with fear and love when in fact the two most powerful energies in the universe are funny and sad. Comedy and Tragedy. Laughter and Tears. When you laugh you are at home, when you cry you are at one.'
These are just a couple of things I remember, there are many more, the univerese is a hologram, every part contains every other part within it, scale is relative, countries have personalities and purposes, focus is vital, we operate multidimensionally, etc etc, Im having all these crazy ideas and revelations coming in..
Oh yeah, and then after a while, god goes, so whats do you need? And im like, well ive already
gotten rid of my shit, but i still need something, and im thinking, and everytime i get close these drums start playing and the room lights up, and everytime im getting away from the answer the room darkens and the drums stop (this was NOT a hallucination, there was a group of indians outside playing drums and chanting, and the lights were being lit by them, but god was showing me how he could run everything so that the drums went along with what i was thinking, while the other dudes knew nothing about it, so i tested him, and i said, im gonna play the drums in the air and they have to match exactly with the drums outside! and they did! and i laughed, and i
clapped my hands to stop it, end. and EVERYTHING stopped. Then the drums started playing lightly again, and i said, wow thats a trip, and he's like, but what do you need? and im thinking and going crazy, and i know that by "you" he means humanity, and after a while i get up and i say "I NEED WATER!" and when i say that it echoes into infinity and i hear it, and god smiles, and the band outside goes CRAZY! and he's like, good answer, but do you really need water? and then i realize that i dont at all, and then im cold, and im like, im cold, and he says, are you really? and then im hot, and then i realize, i dont need water, i only need god, and he will take care of my thirst or get rid of it or whatever.. At this point i scribble on my notepad this:"
" Im off my head..The issues are:
GOD IS EVERYWHERE
i talked to god,
he's funny.
Where's my wallet?? "And so it all starts up again, from chaos, to infinity to the tao and the yin and the yang etc etc, and then i remember that im forgetting something, ive lost something important, what is it? MY wallet!!! oh shit, what was that, i lost something, ive done this, oh no, what did i lose?? MY WALLET!! shit where's my wallet, oh no i lost my wallet in the woods, im fucked, i have no money to get back etc etc and i hear "remember" and then i do! and i laugh! and i go, well god's here, he knows i lost my wallet, we'll see what happens, i guess this will mean an adventure. And i laugh! and i get into my bed and curl up, and im the yin and the yang, or the fetus in the womb, then i become one, and my thirst is gone, and i feel great, and i trust! And i feel so happy, and i say out loud "I beat life, the end guy is hard" and laugh some more, so, then at this point the schrooms WHAM stop working, and im back in reality, i reach over to my clock on the side of the bed, and what do i find.. MY WALLET! And i get a flash of the whole universe, massive as it is, curling up into one point, and that point, is the centre of the sun on my wallet (a byron bay one with a pinkish sun). And i smile! I look at the time and its 12:25.
TRIP.Oh, and in the morning, i went to the place in the mountain id gotten lost, and found 5 butterfly wings. I took 4 and threw one into the wind. They were beautiful.
also.. water is a metaphor for god, here in the real world. Me saying "i need water" was me saying "i need god", because god IS water! but water is a physical part of god whereas god is the big tamale.
But water is the closest physical metaphor we have of god in relation to us.PART TWOEverything i am going to write here is 100% true.
There's a saying that goes:
"Its not real if it doesnt make you laugh, but you dont understand it until it makes you cry".
OK.. Let me re-cap you on some events :
I took Shrooms in San Jose.
The Universe, turned into my wallet, which I had lost and I only found
it when I gave up looking for it.
I could control the drums that the others were playing with my mind.
Water was the symbol for life and god.
God and I had a chat. --
When i first took the schrooms i met a guy from texas and a girl from new york, they were travelling together and passing San Jose, id only just taken the schrooms and they hadnt fucked me yet. While i was waiting for them to hit me, i sat by the mountain on the verandah of a cabin and met these dudes, we started talking, they said they were going to the beach the next day, i said i might go too, and then i asked if they had some weed. The texas guy said he didnt but he'd get some for me. They left me there by the mountain, and when they got back i was tripping hardcore and looking into the mountain and talking to it and all that, and i was like, overwhelmed and laughing and crying, but i had to pretend to be half straight when they got back. I thought they'd stick around, but the dude just gave me two fat joints, a lighter, and disappeared.
I started smoking the joint and i asked god, 'hey is this wrong? for me to smoke a j here while we're talking?', and the answer was that no, nothing is wrong, and the j wouldnt do anything anyway, it was just there to ground me and give me something to do so i wouldn't get too crazy.
(Id like to add that I got told that addictions keep people grounded, marijuana and cigarrettes, like with cars and computers and all sorts of other things. ARE REFERENCE POINTS, for people to connect and not become completely isolated.If it wasnt for drugs we would have killed each other a long time ago. NOTHING IS BAD AS SUCH, due to that, there is no need to worry, which is the main problem with people anyway.)
Ok, but i only smoked one of the two joints.
Then everything that i already told you happened. Moving onto the next day in San Jose..
Id made plans to catch a bus to the beach with the Texas dude and new york girl, they said we'd see each other on the street, its a small town so i didn't doubt it. But I waited for 2 hours and they didnt show up, so i got the shits, and still had in my head that i'd talked to god and everything would be sweet. So i almost got the shits cuz they left me, but instead i just got up and walked.
Walking is stupid, the next town is like 15 hours walking away, but I started to walk anyway. So this car passes and stops next to me, and its got 3 dudes in it, and they ask if ive got some weed, and i say, i only have a joint, you'll have to smoke it with me, and they say, where are you going, and im like, the coast, so they say, get in we'll give you a ride! And im like phew, lucky, and i saved 70 pesos. (there is no luck as such, but to be on the right trip allows good things to come your way, or so i figure).
So we start talking and the driver was just giving them a ride too, they'd passed by San Jose, the other two, Joaquin and Melissa, were artisans, they make jewelry and sell it during holliday season at the beach. I tell em that i was stuck in San Jose but just started walking, and the guy says,
'yeah that happens to me, when i get stuck, if i sit there and wait, nothing happens, but as soon as i start walking, shit works out.'So they were going to Huatulco, they said it was better than Puerto Angel, where I was headed, so I decided to join them to Huatulco. In the night we set up stalls, i helped sell some bracelets, and played the drums. They had 10 pesos when we got there but within two hours theyd made like 300. They shouted me a burger, which i really needed.
We slept on some hammocks that night for free, the owner of the hammock place let us because it was his last day in business, which sucked because it left us with nowhere to sleep after that night, but i had to keep moving anyway, so the next day, i left that crew, and went to the internet cafe, wrote an e-mail, then went into town to figure out where I was and where to go.
I ended up walking to a bay, called La Cruzesita, a really pretty and warm bay. The beaches are awesome, they're much friendlier Australian beaches, they're warm, really warm, and blue, and the waves come up to you like a friendly dog, lapping at your feet, not like the harsh, cold, intense waves in Australia.
From the bay, I decided to go to Zipolite, a nudist beach about 3 hours away, where I heard I could get a cheap hammock to sleep on. So I went to the bus terminal, I had to catch a bus and two wagons. The wagons are like utes, and you sit on the back with the wind rushing past you, its awesome, you feel like youre on african safari, and theyre cheap! They take you really far really cheap. Im on the wagon on my way to Zipolite, and then it suddenly stops, I was the only one on. The driver says, 'you have to get out now, there's another wagon coming for you.' And im like, 'ok....'
So the next wagon comes and i get on it, and there's two dudes finishing off a spliff. I say, shit, im too late, and they're like, no man, we'll make some more. So we smoke and talk and it turns out they work in a skate shop, they play in a band (Digna Altanera), they smoke, they're going to Zipolite and they come from San Jose, which was the reason for their journey in the first place.
We got to the beach, got a room, hung out, smoked some weed etc. I had bought some mushrooms in a jar full of honey to take for me and for Lobo, a mexican writer that im living with back in Oaxaca, and the two dudes, Torta and Flavian, also had some shrooms, so we decided to drop some.
The schrooms were sour, but covered in Honey.We walked to the beach, all in our own world, looking at the water and the shells and shite, and blah blah blah. We went to a restaurant at the very end of the beach (its a LONG beach) and we got some beers. I got my wallet out to pay, then my feet got really really itchy. I had to get up and run to the water and soak my feet to make it stop. Then I went to a shop in town to get some munchies, and when I got to the shop I couldnt pay because id left my wallet at the restaurant, Id lost my wallet! And then the schrooms hit me.
This is my brain..
"Oh my god. I just lost the universe (my wallet), because i wasnt focused, or paying attention, i was so lost in my own thoughts that I lost my wallet, shit shit shit, pablo, you knew this would happen, you got the warnings, FUCK! my wallet! and these damn schrooms, shit, i better go back to look for it!"I walk back to the restaurant by the beach, im hearing echoes and spirit voices and everything is mocking me, for losing my wallet, the universe, by being absent minded.
I get to the restaurant, i ask the table guy that serves stuff to your tables.. the waiter! If he'd seen it and he said no. I was fucked out, i walked off and finally, in a fit of frustration, i sat down, pissed off, collapsed under my own weight and just
gave up, I had a big sigh and wallowed in my misery.
This dude comes up and sits next to me, there's no one else in the whole beach and its dark.He's about twentysomething, and he says,
"Hi, are you ok?" and I'm like, "No, i lost my wallet"
"Don't worry, it will be ok huh?" "yeah, i SUPPOSE",
"you were in San Jose" "yeah how do u know"
"I saw you", "oh, i didnt see you",
"did you hear the drums?" and my head fucking EXPLODES! remember, the drums were a symbol, I could control them that night, they were representing how much god can really pull strings to make shit work out for you. (what he was saying by asking "do you remember the drums" was, "do you remember that you can create reality with the help of god and it's always with you?".)
So im like "Whoa, yeah" but i go back to worrying about my wallet! And then im like "so whats your name?" and he says "jesus ".
JUST LIKE THAT! Calm as, like it doesnt mean anything, but im thinking in my head "of course your name is Jesus". And so we try and talk, but i just cant string a sentence together, im not there, im too worried about my wallet. So i say, "look Jesus, id really love to do this but im not ready right now, and im too worried about my wallet so i need to go look for it in my room" and he says "yeah, no problem, good luck", he smiles and sits there content.
So i walk off, and to my hammock-room, which is on the other side of the long long beach, and the more I walk, the more i realize that that dude really was Jesus, not JESUS JESUS, but a representative, a symbol, archetype, whatever.
Then I walk through a long strip without hotels and its dark! im hearing echoes, im feeling sick with worry, the waves are talking to me and calling me closer, "swim in me" they say ('Zipolite' is Mayan for the 'beach of the dead', 20 people die there a year due to the intense rips, I could tell the beach was a seducer, a killer, and it wanted me in..) and im like, NO! .. fuck, im lost. I cant remember where my hotel is, I cant see shit, fuck fuck fuck. And then i think, "i shouldve stayed with jesus", and then i hear "without jesus im lost". and then i think, fuck that, thats fucked, I dont need this! but i walk on, im still all worried about my wallet, the universe.
I finally get to my hotel, I go up and the door is locked so I have to go around through another room to get to the verandah and lie in my hammock till the two dudes get back and open the room. I Lay in my hammock, and wrap myself up in a cocoon.
I feel so alone, like im in space, or in the universe, by myself, and my only comfort is my hammock cocoon. I start fuming, i get so angry at myself, for losing my wallet, how could i have been so stupid! The Japanese surfer next door, in a very comical fashion, like an old friend thats trying to cheer you up, sticks his head out and offers me some joint, he's Japanese so he's really cute, and im like, no, i cant right now.
I lay there and think, and realize what's just happenned.
The whole thing was a test, I lost my wallet,
the universe because I was too caught up in myself. Then when i went back for it, it was gone. When I gave up to the frustration, Jesus showed up to help me. But I was so caught up in myself, that I couldnt even talk to him, and I lost him too, and when I lost him, I walked alone and lost myself in the darkness.
I started fuming, I was literally burning up inside and out, my breath was hot like fire, i felt like a dragon. I couldnt believe how stupid I was, to make the same mistake twice, with my wallet and with Jesus, and to walk off and just be so blatantly HUMAN! Instead of relaxing and chatting with Jesus and letting it all work itself out, like I had learnt it would the previous night in San Jose. and I started crying..
I cried because Id failed, and I didnt know when a test like that would come up again, and that I could have fixed the problem by letting go of it and talking to Jesus, or the Japanese guy, who now also represented jesus (Because Jesus is anyone!!), but couldnt because I just would NOT LET GO OF MY FEARS.
So then a tear goes down my cheek, and a voice in my head says.
"And there's your answer!"AND I GET IT!!
THAT THE HUMAN CONDITION IS TO FAIL! WE ARE SO CAUGHT UP IN OUR PROBLEMS THAT WE CANT SEE JESUS/GOD/BOB WHATEVER, WHEN IT COMES TO HELP US, AND WE GO ON WITH OUR PROBLEMS, BUT HE (GOD/JESUS) ALREADY EXPECTS THAT! KNOWS THAT! ANDHAS SET IT UP SO THAT WE REALIZE THAT WITHOUT HIM (OTHERS/EVERYTHING/THE REST) WE CANT DO SHIT. BUT WE NEED TO MEAN IT.. AND CRY.
BECAUSE ITS ONLY REAL IF IT MAKES YOU LAUGH, BUT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND IT TILL IT MAKES YOU CRY.I cried, and I understood.
It was all worth it, losing my wallet was a small price to pay, and the universe cant get lost, because i dont have it, it , and it'll take care of itself as always.
So i started laughing.
And as soon as I started laughing, the dudes got home, and opened the door for me, of course my wallet wasnt in the room.
But I felt good, because I
knew, Jesus would be waiting for me, and he wouldnt be mad, he wouldnt be anything, he'd just be there.
I felt much better, I said i'd go back to the restaurant to have another look.
All the way back, the darkness made me laugh, the waves were cheering me on, the spirits were no longer talking, they just stood back and beheld my stylish happy strut through the beach, on the way I realize that im very thirsty, and I think, I bet Jesus has water (Water/Symbolism).
There, on the beach, sitting ever so casually, looking into infinity, is Jesus, like i knew he'd be even though it was 2 hours later, 3 a.m and pitch black, and of course, next to him a bottle of water.
I look at him all sheepish like, and say smiling, "Hi! i lost my wallet!" and he's like, "You did". And im like, 'I think im going to look here on the beach!'. He says, 'Sure'.
Of course i knew i wouldnt find it, but it was a nervous moment, its not every day you got Jesus sitting there waiting for you to talk to him.
I went to the restaurant and asked the waiter once more, he was so suss, he says, 'No i havent found it..', real guilty like, but I KNOW he stole it, his eyes give it away.. But i'm not mad, he played a key role, so I just smile at him, because in a way he's done me the biggest favour in the world, and i sort of laugh and say, ok man, no problem!
I go and sit with Jesus, we dont say much, im really worried about what to say, and everytime i worry it makes it worse, I dont know how to relax, and then i hear "look at the light" and straight in front of us, is a light of a boat or something, so i focus on that and it makes it allright.
* <--- Light _____ <--- Shore J - P <--- Jebus and Pabs And then I feel my connection to Jesus, and I realize, he's just an average dude, so average its crazy, i mean, average to the point where we'd think he was dumb or boring even, but he's GOT IT, he's with it, he don't need to know nothing deep. Everytime i start talking about my weird experiences, i start losing him, i realize that when i talk about these things im on my own trip and not really communicating but finding ways to hear myself through others, which is what we all do a lot really. So I talk about weed, and he tells me that he's bought some to sell to San Cristobal, and we laugh, and then my head says "reference point!", remember? When travelling weed is a good topic we can all reference to and communicate if only partly.
So we laugh, and i realize that of all reference points. Laughter is the most abundant, and important and easy to reference to. Laughter is like a common bond or something? im not too sure. We run out of things to say, and we sit there, on the beach by ourselves, looking into the light, as if we're both in awe of it. and I realize that Jesus is in awe of god, he's not arrogant, he doesn't see himself as god. He sees himself, he knows himself as part of god and that gives him awe.
Then the cross comes into my head and i get it.
The cross is a Symbol of evolution and Focus. Let me explain : The Cross is like a Crosshair. I.E Focus. But the horizontal line, is higher than the middle. I.E Effort, Evolution Consciousness. The cross is dominant because it speaks to peoples subconscious, and its a map for life. The map is- Look up, and Focus.
I try to talk to Jesus some more, but I cant fucking Focus man. Its like that boxing game where you get knocked out and you need to get the screens to match. It was EXACTLY like that. And i find that the only times i can focus, is when I focus, and give up
trying to focus. So i center, and then let it go. but its fucking hard. After a while I tell Jesus I should get going. He smiles and tells me that I might need some money. He gave me 20 pesos to catch a bus back and joint to get back home.
I left him there, He said we might see each other down the line, i shook his hand, said thanks and walked in a giddy happiness back to my hotel. Where I had a chat with Flavian, one of my skate shop owning, joint smoking, hotel buddies. He was so Humble, He didnt try to guess what I was going to say, which is what I do because ive got this know it all attitude about me, which isnt bad really, but it annoys me sometimes.
He says,
"I think there's a universal culture, and universal facts, and that these mushrooms help you see that, and i think if you get an opportunity to see that, you should write about it and tell other people!" And im like FUCK! cuz i was just thinking whether I would write to someone about this, but he sort of confirmed it. I went to sleep happy that night.
The whole experience, like the shrooms, was sour, but covered in honey. :)
CHAPTER 3.Next day I got given a hundred pesos by Flavian, so i could catch a bus back to Oaxaca city where most of my money is. We made a deal to meet in Oaxaca on Sunday so I could pay him back. The bus trip sucked, when in Mexico they say a bus trip last 6 hours, they mean 9 hours, if they say 9 hours, they mean 14. The road was all curvy and hilly and i felt sick as shit but made it. That night I went to a party. After meeting a dude called Abel that is, and this bits kinda sad. I was walking around the Oaxaca hangouts looking for some crew that I knew to hang with but no one was there, this guy came up to me, he was tall and dark and a little awkward, he asked if I knew where i could get a joint, i said no but we could look together. we ended up going to the 'casa rasta' which is the house im staying at, and there we met Lobo and Pena, we smoked some weed and then we went to a party. Abel was pretty happy, and he shouted me tacos and red wine.
I got drunk, got home, passed out.
Next Day. Sunday.Experience number three.I had schrooms left. Lobos share and some were mine. We took them in the morning. I asked the schrooms to go easy on me this time. Lobo went crazy, he was just on another trip. Basically you know that really warm yummy feeling when you wake up and its sunny and you know youve slept well? Its like that but much more.
So I get on the couch, curl up in my sleeping bag, and half awake half dreaming, i start interviewing god.
He says, you can do this anytime, you always were, but you dont notice because you think your problems are important. So im like, yeah dude, ok some questions.
BEGINNING OF INTERVIEW WITH GODP- Why do children get raped and burnt? why do horrible things happen.G- Because they can.
P- Why have I been depressed and nervous and shit so much?G- Because you worry about your thoughts, you think they can harm you, and that you can control them, and both those things are impossible, and hence, you're using up a lot of energy. Thats why you're so tired, you think too much.
P- Ok so i shouldnt think.G- Thinking is what god does.
P- What does that mean?G- Humans are created in the 'image' of god because they can think, which allows them to choose their own experience, life is a choose your own adventure book, as opposed to a normal book. For it to be choose your own adventure, you need to be able to think. The difference, the only difference, between the grass and a human, is that the grass IS and FEELS. The Human, IS, THINKS, and FEELS.
P- ...G- A blade of grass does not worry about where its going to get water from next, it allows for all things, and it get the water eventually, and if it doesnt, too bad. Its part of the whole and can never be lost. Just like you. But as long as you THINK you're lost and try to THINK of a way out, you'll continue on THINKING you're lost. Humans are fun because they can consciously evolve, they can skip ahead or go backwards, as opposed to the steady evolutionary process of plants,
most animals, and matter.
P- Yeah..G- But you're part of the same system as the plants, so the same rules apply, want it or not there's still a steady evolution always, but this is more of a mass human evoltion, than an individual case. The individual can skip ahead at any time, the mass continues steadily and gradually. The blade of grass is always looked after by god, because its a part of god. Like the human.
P- And how do the schrooms work?G- The schrooms are a concentration of earth energy. They carry the memory of the earth, and they possess you. Thats why when you take them everything is so fresh and new, because the mushrooms, the earth, is inside you for that time, seeing life through human eyes, and of course, its fascinated.
P- AhhhhG- And its really obvious, and people should eat some occassionally for cleansing and grounding, they grow where the sky meets the earth, there is no coincidence to this, and shamans have always known it. Divine information is easier to access when you are possessed by the earth.
P- But i can still thinkG- Exactly, the earth possess you but not completely, you still have a degree of control and thats your THINKING faculty, which is really beautiful after all. Thinking allows for greater AWE. The greater the AWE, the greater the JOY, the greater the SLACk.
P- Hmmm, and why do i forget so easily.G- This information comes when your brain is in sleep state, its hard to recollect, we dont want to give the game away entirely.
P- But can i remember?G- If you want.
P- But, how does all this help me get laid?G- When you know the truth, you dont worry about getting laid because you already have everything, and then, you'll get laid.
P- awesome, thanks god.G- anymore questions?
P- not really, i cant think of any, and of those that i can i alreadyknow all the answers.G- thats right
P- cathcyaG- im always here and you are never alone
P- Oh, one more thing, what am i supposed to do?G- Do what you think is right, and let me take care of the rest.
End of interview with God.The story goes on.
I wrote out some shit on the laptop, everytime i tried to focus is when i started losing it, so i realize, first you focus, then you let go.
Its like how couples work and become sour, they first focus on hooking up, then they let go and enjoy it, but after a while they focus on NOT LETTING GO, and thats when they both get resentful, because they have to make an effort, and making an effort sucks.Im hungry, I get some bread, I have a Jar of Cajeta with me, Cajeta is a delicious THICK Mexican caramel made from goats milk. It is absolutely divine. I start the slow process of pouring Cajeta out of the jar onto the bread. Cajeta is gooey and slow. I wait, and totally savour the moment, it just feels good to enjoy the fact that you're going to get Cajeta, and that you're focused on that. And then, as the Cajeta pours. I feel it. I literally feel what the Cajeta feels, I feel what its like to fall onto the bread, and curl and spread and then how it feels to break off from the mass inside the jar and turn into little strings and dangle.. and i just go "Wowwwwww".
Lobo looks at me grinning, and he goes, "
There's your Bob, there's the answer to the universe right there, everything you've been looking for, and delievered in Cajeta form. It doesnt get more perfect does it!" Id only mentioned Bob Dobbs to him once, and ive just realized that it is all ONE, and when i focus i can feel what everything else feels! The bread, the cajeta, everything!
Ok So Im on it, ive become one with the Cajeta and im feeling whack! Pena invites Lobo and I to an orchestra in town, and we decide to risk it. I feel so fucking weird. Its like im the only person in the play and everyone else is just an extra. Its so hard to focus, and i have to keep on reminding myself to focus on being, not on focusing, and things will be fine. It was hard, i needed to piss and throw up, but i kept being told "focus on the moment and that feeling will take care of itself".
The orchestra wasnt great, we stayed for some songs then we went to an art exhibition. The artist was a guy called Dr.Lakra, he's the son of Francisco Toledo, his art is crazy!
BUT! the craziest thing was the art was so Symbolic, it was all.. like in the book of the
subgenius, how its all 50's drawings and clip art. It was like that, but with THAT EYE, THE eye, and CROSSES and so on. It felt like the eye was saying "I am here always, I always see you, its all a big joke, your life is a dream".
Co-Incident-ally the actual art said on it
"life is a dream of an illusion" "life is a joke!" as if the exhibition was confirming everything i'd just experienced.
I think the most philosophical piece was one that said,
"Its not about how much you piss, its about how much foam you make".There was pictures of 50's chicks with penises with wings flying around them and cumming on them, there was baby dolls with tattoos everywhere, and six rooms full of rubbish that had
all been painted pink and green.
We left the expo and went to the centre of town where they were setting up fireworks, we stuck around, I was pretty excited.
Before the fireworks there was a procession of a giant cross, with jesus on it, and a bunch of old people singing while they walked him around a few blocks. When they got back the fireworks started. First these crazy guys get a wooden bull, load him up with fireworks, stick the bull on their head, lught it, and run around shooting fireworks out of the bulls back onto everyone, tourists run away screaming, its fucking loud, scary, exciting and wild. I was on the floor laughing, when not shielding myself from the oncoming explosions.
After they do that three or four times, they light up the real thing, which is like this huge tower made out of wood, covered in fireworks, and its got wheels sticking it of it that spin and shoot multicolored sparks and flames everywhere. They are the best fireworks i have ever seen in my life.
As each part lights up, it paints a picture, the first pictures are circles and triangles, then its a cup, that turns into a dove that turns into a flower. Then up the top is Jesus on the cross and the
thing burns up to a cacophony of whistles and screams, its so fucking bright i dont think ive ever seen anything brighter, when they fireworks start up its total chaos.
ITs like watching the big bang. I simply can not explain how wicked this light show was. there's a huge diference between organic hand made fireworks and the manufactured ones we are used to. But yeah. there's Jesus burning up on the cross. and then up the top it says " JESUS CHRIST ROCKS" or something along those lines, i cant remember, and it was in spanish anyway. then BANG! The whole thing shoots up 200 metres into the air and JESUS EXPLODES! BOOM! Fireworks, oohs and aahs, then a band starts playing and everyone cheers. Then the church (it was the churches anniversary we were celebrating) lights up too, and fireworks, more like sparks that fall, cover the churchs and everyone goes home or stays to dance. It was cool.
Then the two skater dudes walk up and say "hi! and i go SHIT! I forgot i had to meet you at 9 to give you your money! and theyre like, its not nine yet, we were on our way to see you, but here we are! And i remember that everything is perfect. And taken care of. the world is in a state of perfection always. And its not even real! Its a really short dream.
I Dont know how much im going to be able to integrate this information into a practical sense. and dont worry, im not becoming some chrisitan zaelot fundamentalist. (Tho i am a big fan of the fireworks exploding jesus).
I think Jesus is just a bit player, he's just a symbol for what is real. Like an easy to reach reference to help us out. Also, when i was talking to Jesus on the beach, for some reason, i felt like
i was more interesting, it felt as if god loves jesus cuz jesus loves god, but he loves us because we're so cute and weird and innocent. and we think we're wrong when we're right and its funny.
I.E we came here to forget, and now we're trying to remember what we forgot, but we came here to forget in the first place, and thats what there is to remember, and its funny.
Oh, i think i also got told that im given this information because its my job to write it down and get it out there, other peoples job it to live the information, others is to not be aware of it at all etc etc. Its a perfect chaos and we all play our part.
I think also, i got told that i was prone to egotism, distraction and debauchery, and thats why im small and dont get with too many girls, because if i was big i would be egotistical, and if i could get any chick i would become distracted from my real purpose, and because i really wanted to do this and get it right, i had to put all these 'buffers' in my life to stop me from becoming too distracted.
However my proneness for these things also keeps me very human and helps me understand the world around me.
I gave the dudes their money, we went back to the house and had some joints, then i went to bed. The time was 12:21.
I am Pablo and this is my story.
P.S - I have to mention again, that Jesus was a real dude, on the beach, i didnt make him up. But what is most important is that everyone is Jesus, the more average, humble and simple, the more Jesus they represent. Cajeta is Jesus, the Grass is Jesus. Jesus is a physical connection to Universe/Force/All Mind/Supreme Consciousness/ Whatever You Call IT. Which we can connect to directly anyway, but the point is not to connect directly to god, thats like going back to the womb, its like saying the universe is too hard. The game is to find god in everything. and everything that allows us to find god in it, is Jesus. And since everything is god, everything is Jesus, i.e, everything physical is a stepping stone towards everything..
ahh, i needed to get that out. :)
A couple of things to make clear:
The two joints the guy from texas gave me, of which i only smoked one- were a key. I planned to go to the coast with texas guy and new york girl, but they left me and it didnt work out how i wanted it to. But i got a ride from other dudes because i had a joint! So it worked out, texas guy gave me the key (joint) and my ride was the door. But i had to give up what i thought 'should' would work out.
Also, i wrote that i met a dude called Abel and that there was a sad bit. but i didnt say why it was sad. I went to a party with him, we didnt talk too much, he took off that night, the next day at around 9 p.m. he came to the casa rasta, we were watching a movie, from there we all went to get some tacos and he came along, while we went to the tacos he was really quiet and looking for someone to talk to, but i was on my own trip thinking about all this shit, and not talking to him and also being worried that i should be talking to him etc.
and then he took a turn and was gone. I realized that everything is a constant test, at that point Abel was looking for a friend, i was all worried, didnt talk to the man, and he left.
Which sucks cuz he lives in a place that i was going to be travelling to soon, and he's a tour guide and i could've hooked up some free accommodation. but because i was too busy thinking what i could get out of him, and also worrying about what to say and doing everything other than focusing, being here and now, and talking to him, he dissappeared. Stupid i am.
So yeah, I think its a simple lesson to learn but its hard to master..
like all good puzzles.
The end.
