They had a competition at work, the person with the most tight ass story won a $50 voucher.

This is my story.

"My Tight-Ass story is more than a story, its a way of life, and it is so far reaching and diverse that I am afraid of telling it all in fear of the implications, which may likely include legal persecution. Also, I would probably not be allowed in and out of the office without having someone watch over me and my fidgety little hands every time I move... Suffice to say, it is safe to assume that I am the destined winner of this tight ass competition and that I (being a tight-ass) probably need the prize more than most.

However, being of a paradoxically generous nature. I will offer some examples of my inordinate tightassness.

* I have been living in a living room for over six months. Im too tight to buy a matress so I use the floor. My sustinence consists of Mi-Go-Reng noodles and KFC leftovers from my housemates.

* If there is any food I dont like the taste of, even slightly, I keep the barcode number and use by date and call the company to complain and receive a check, so far I have amassed over $70 with the process.

* I once pretended to be mentally handicapped and drunk while hitchiking around Australia so that the authorities would let me into a detox clinic in Adelaide and I'd have somewhere to sleep and something to eat.

* I get on Centrelink before any new job, just for a week, and only so I can get a concession card for three months half price travel.

* In the past I've been known to walk around the streets of Mt.Druitt looking for cigarrette butts to scab tobacco out of and make a rollie or two.

* All my furniture is stolen from the front of an Anglicare Depot.

* While travelling in Mexico I lived off the 5 Peso breakfast (around 50 cents), even tho I had money to live like a king I stretched it out, I would also scab alcohol and internet money of my Mexican girlfriends and tell them how hard I had it because I'd lost my money and passport.

* Im still using a Nokia 5110, which broke months ago, but I'm waiting for the free one im going to get from Virgin.

* I steal toilet paper from bathrooms and sugar packets from coffeeshops so that I dont have to buy them.

* I only go to the movies on Tuesdays. (and only if someone else is paying).

* I pick up 5 cent coins.

The rest are far too risque and immoral for a professional environment such as this, so I will refrain from expounding them upon your virtuous ears, but rest assured, it doesn't get better. With that, I go back to my work and look forward to receiving the winning movie tickets and voucher which I will then re-sell to my friends for cold hard cash.

With stingy regards,

- Pablo "Can I borrow a dollar cuz?" Alvarado."

Of course, I won.

"I guess the key is to focus, something I've had trouble with my whole life, to the point where it must be pathlogical and furhter ingrained through schooling and work, Im always looking for something to do BUT the thing I should be doing, because thats what I've trained myself to do, with the aid of the institution.

This brings me to the glitch. To lose focus of the moment, and think about your problems, or yourself, distances you from reality, to then ponder why you've been distanced from reality, furhter distances you from reality. Layer upon layer until you forget where you started... and so you try to remember, addicted to finding the solution to your self created walls.

The only way to break the cycle is to operate outside the cycles rules. I.E, any advance in an anti system will still be negative, it is an inevitability. Regardless of how it is misperceived, it is a solution fabricated inside a negative rule set, so the outcome must be negative. I believe im addicted to this cycle and this is my glitch. It excarberated and became negative clear when I was on acid.

The message.. 'The world is your oyster, if only you'd focus, and let go of yourself'.. it seems clear that the only way to break the cycle is to operate out of the cycle, stop trying to find a solution, stop trying to remember the forgotten, just be in the moment and the rest will come rushing in, you've broken out...

I also believe this is a world consciousness thing.. I think we're all infected, I just happen to have seen my virus more clearly.

Its all conditioning, its all been said before and its all known, but If i could let go of the feeling that I need to achieve, and that 'something is wrong', maybe i could move forward a bit more gracefully.

Anyway, today seems to be a day of clarity and I've enjoyed typing this mail to you.

- Pablo"