"I'll get by with a little help from my friends" - Joe Cocker

I like to believe things.

I'm a believer. I want to believe. Believing is fun.

I believe in aliens, I believe in scientists, I like to believe in the unbelievable and the believable. When I watch a movie, I believe it. In 'They Live', I believe that free trade robot aliens really are subliminally running the world as a form of human farm. I like to believe when I watch documentaries on string theory that there is a unification theory about to be found and that the universe can be wrapped up with an elegant equation. I believe in everything entirely while I see it and then I later make up my own mind on what I want to believe when it suits me or increase the factor of practicality, mystery, and fun in my life.

Where does that leave me?

Confused? Anxious? Detached? Excited? Empowered? Free?..

All of the above.

Its the way I live and it works for me, it doesn't work for everyone. But by keeping an open mind, letting everything in, and sifting through it afterwards to keep the stuff that works, I feel i have a good map and picture of life.

Confusing, paradoxical, and overwhelming. Certainly.

This is why I am confident it is an accurate map of reality. Because it mirrors it.

------------------------------------




Today is the darkest I've ever seen Sydney city. It's like Gotham. Dark. Black. Pitch Black.

Misery, eerie, its the matrix. Ive had experiences that have paralleled the matrix, scenes played out in real life, on spots the film was filmed. That's why I've always had a feeling that the Matrix is more than a metaphor, more than a movie.

(I also believe in coincidences, synchronicities, signs and revelations. Because I believe in them, they make themselves shown.)

Ive always paralleled Sydney to the 'Dark City'.. a dark business city, of business and suits, dark blue, black, march, stairs, march.. I've always felt it could be a 'Node'.

This is a large reason for my leaving, the frequency, the vibe, it's too much for me, I can't deflect it. It brings me down to its level until I believe I am what I feel..

Today is the darkest day in Sydney I have ever seen.

The Matrix was filmed in this city. Dark City as well. I just looked it up..

"The visual aesthetic of Dark City resembles the shadowy, labyrinthine and crime-ridden 'Gotham' types of cities characterized in Batman and other DC Comics, a night-time world of streetlamps, skyscrapers, alleyways, seedy hotels and dimly-lit hallways, all imbued with a 1920s atmosphere and decor.

Many of the outdoor scenes in Dark City were filmed in Sydney, Australia"

I believe art parallels reality.. This is what I sense and this is why I'm getting out.

Some thrive in this cyberpunk nightmare to be, but I am left cold and deadened. Today is my goodbye.

--------------------------------

It's funny, I looked up 'Dark City' in Wikipedia.

Music - Pablo Ruiz.

Main Character - John Murdoch.

My name - Pablo Murdoch. Leaving Sydney to make Music in Melbourne. ;)


"something appears to be wrong with the world at large: time, memory, and identity behave in unusual ways."

There are no rules, but there are patterns.

So the fortune cookie sez: (I ate a few)

"Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing."

"An ounce of gold cannot buy an ounce of time."

"What looks like an appealing offer may not be."

"Killing time murders opportunities."

Gee.. where's the 'You will meet a beautiful woman tomorrow, and be a happy man"?

I guess the message is.. "Use your time wisely, don't waste it, do what you should be doing, do it now, and careful with your choices".

Makes sense.

....................................

Oh today I went Skydiving. I fell real far, real fast.



Dangling out the plane at 14,000 feet and jumping off was the most impressive part, just feeling yourself drop before the wind resistance kicked in.. I almost didn't know how to deal with it. I stuck my hands out to stop my face from getting hurt then I quickly realized the ground was still a long way off.

I got excited and yelled all the requisite cliches..

"Woooooaaaaah!!" "Yeeeeeehaaaaa!!" "Wahoooooo!! "Wheeeeee!"

I even went through a cloud. Believe it or not, you can go straight through them. I didn't bounce on it and it didn't even taste like fairy floss. Turns out Mario and the Care Bears were wrong.

Ah Google, God bless you. You lie to me in April Fools and get me all excited, you let me search through my mail for old bits and pieces, you search the internet and do it well, and now you want to host my pictures?! For FREE? And you give me a WHOLE GIG? And I don't even have to edit the pictures?! Lordy, what's next Google Brain, Google Life, Google Vision, Google WORLD?!

Link the pics for the albums.












http://picasaweb.google.com/pibulus

So I quit my job at Virgin Mobile. This was my letter of resignation.


"Dear Virgin,

We have been together for a little over a year now, we've had our ups and downs, our laughs and our good times... That's why it is so difficult for me to say this.. but I can't hold onto it any longer, because you're a great company and you deserve the truth.

Virgin, I love you, but I'm no longer IN love with you. We have the perfect love at the wrong time...I'm so sorry. I have a lot of growing up to do. I can't give you the commitment you deserve and you can't give me the passion and liberty that I am drawn to.

Don't be upset, you've done nothing wrong because It's not you, it's me. I need to make some changes and get on with my life. Things here have been hard and I need to move on, and work in new places, try out different things.

You have been an important part of my life, Everything happens for a reason and I will never forget you, and I hope you won't forget me also. We can still be friends.

I'm leaving the state, to give me and yourself some time to deal with this, I will call you when Im ready. We've come a long way but we are two different people and I can't keep on lying to myself. You were a great company and I'm sure you will find someone new just around the corner who will make you as happy as you made me.

I am leaving in a week. On Wednesday the 25th. I will miss you.

- Pablo"

To be an artist you don't need to be good. You just have to believe in what you're doing, and keep doing it.

You have to be convinced that those who don't believe, or appreciate your 'art', simply don't get it.

Concentration and Appreciation are the two keys to life.

To think about yourself is counter productive.

The mistake is to get stuck in a loop, to think about what you are thinking about.

Concentrate in what you're doing, whatever you're doing. Appreciate it. appreciate the results.

Or lack thereof.

MISSION

.. an excellent band, called Mesa Cosa, spontaneous and infectious.

(Updated) Plans For the year :

Move to Melbourne.
Get Mesa-Cosa started and gigging.
Record an Ep.
Get a job I enjoy.
Buy an American Deluxe Strat.
Learn to play piano.
Buy a Car
Begin Saving for Overseas.
Invest $3000.

I will be so happy when I am living in Melbourne, meeting new people, playing music that is inspired and fresh which I have written with my new band, making posters and mix tapes, playing gigs in little cafe's and meeting people jam with, meeting new girls..

I will be so happy when I have a new car and can drive myself around, and work at ajob that pays well and leaves me fulfilled.

I will be so happy when I save enough money to invest, live comfortably, buy new clothes and other hedonistic products that help me look and feel great.

I will be so happy when I have saved enough money to know I can go to Berlin, Mexico and the U.S in an around the world trip in 2008.

I am looking forward to the new houses i will live in, the parties i will attend, the people i will meet, the clothes i will wear, the music i will write, the spirituality i will rediscover, the experiences ill have, the laughs i will carry, and the feeling i will get when i look back to this point and can smile about how far i have come and how so far away this all seems.

I am looking forward to studying again and not worrying about my age or money. I will live in Melbourne, start Mesa Cosa, Get a Job I Love, Meet a Girl I love, Learn Piano, Buy a Car, Buy a New Guitar, Save to Go Back To Mexico in 2008, Invest Funds. And work on all my other projects, art, my book, websites, t shirts, businesses, etc.

I know it won't all go to plan, but purpose and drive, boldness and action have their rewards, and that's enough for me.

I am so excited about the future.