The other night I was tired and it was late and I was going home and I decided to skip part of the way. I do that sometimes you know, skip.
Now I'm a big proponent of skipping, it is a safe, efficient and enviromentally friendly method of transport. Not only that but it's quick! & uses little energy in comparison to running. In fact I'd go as far as to say that skipping is *the* most virtuous way of getting from point A to point B without some form of vehicular aid.
Except for one fact.. it looks super gay.
Why is this? Should we be blaming children for this? are children gay? they may look it, but Id find it highly discomforting if they actually were. Could this explain why boys and girls don't mix and mingle until pubescence? Could it be that prior to this moment of rapid hormonal acceleration children are all homosexuals? I sincerely hope not, and having been a child once myself, & never having had a steamy encounter with my best friend Nicolas while playing Sonic The Hedgehog im going to put this theory aside and assume that tho some may be, not all children are homos. Children do not make skipping gay.
So what can it be? the sound of music? there's lots of skipping in that movie, and it's pretty gay, but surely not enough gayness to shame men from partaking in this most exalted method of human expression.. so where does the culprit lie?
I say it lies with you dear reader.
Too long sullied by the deathly threat of the industrial world you have forgotten your roots, your god given right to skip, it is but your fault that I have been reduced to skipping home guarded by darkness, between patches of traffic & behind trees.
Who of you could bear the shame of being spotted gayly skipping at night, quite serious in your intent to shave off a few minutes off your journey and fear the repercussions of a loud guffaw, a pair of flashed hi beams, maybe even an empty milk carton to the head!
A man would be foolhardy to put himself in such peril. A peril even I cant bear.. so I point my unclipped accusatory finger at you and say, join me, repent! relinquish your inferior ways and help me create a revolution! A skip revolution. A new world order where skipping is not frowned upon but gleefuly partaken in by young and old alike, skip lanes next to your standard (and by now obsolete) walkpaths. Late to work? 'It's ok! I'll be there in a minute, i'm
skipping' Late home to dinner? 'Don't worry honey! I'm
skiping!' much to her or his delight! Oh what a world that would be... but we have a long way to go comrades.
Too long has a precious ability been taken from us by the man, the self governmental system of thought control and their scoundrel cronies! It's a sick world, but their time will come.
Skippers I call upon you to unite and brush this prejudiced blemish from our future and present!
Break off the shackles of pedestrian slavitude and bounce your head on high!
Skip or die.
