They had a competition at work, the person with the most tight ass story won a $50 voucher.

This is my story.

"My Tight-Ass story is more than a story, its a way of life, and it is so far reaching and diverse that I am afraid of telling it all in fear of the implications, which may likely include legal persecution. Also, I would probably not be allowed in and out of the office without having someone watch over me and my fidgety little hands every time I move... Suffice to say, it is safe to assume that I am the destined winner of this tight ass competition and that I (being a tight-ass) probably need the prize more than most.

However, being of a paradoxically generous nature. I will offer some examples of my inordinate tightassness.

* I have been living in a living room for over six months. Im too tight to buy a matress so I use the floor. My sustinence consists of Mi-Go-Reng noodles and KFC leftovers from my housemates.

* If there is any food I dont like the taste of, even slightly, I keep the barcode number and use by date and call the company to complain and receive a check, so far I have amassed over $70 with the process.

* I once pretended to be mentally handicapped and drunk while hitchiking around Australia so that the authorities would let me into a detox clinic in Adelaide and I'd have somewhere to sleep and something to eat.

* I get on Centrelink before any new job, just for a week, and only so I can get a concession card for three months half price travel.

* In the past I've been known to walk around the streets of Mt.Druitt looking for cigarrette butts to scab tobacco out of and make a rollie or two.

* All my furniture is stolen from the front of an Anglicare Depot.

* While travelling in Mexico I lived off the 5 Peso breakfast (around 50 cents), even tho I had money to live like a king I stretched it out, I would also scab alcohol and internet money of my Mexican girlfriends and tell them how hard I had it because I'd lost my money and passport.

* Im still using a Nokia 5110, which broke months ago, but I'm waiting for the free one im going to get from Virgin.

* I steal toilet paper from bathrooms and sugar packets from coffeeshops so that I dont have to buy them.

* I only go to the movies on Tuesdays. (and only if someone else is paying).

* I pick up 5 cent coins.

The rest are far too risque and immoral for a professional environment such as this, so I will refrain from expounding them upon your virtuous ears, but rest assured, it doesn't get better. With that, I go back to my work and look forward to receiving the winning movie tickets and voucher which I will then re-sell to my friends for cold hard cash.

With stingy regards,

- Pablo "Can I borrow a dollar cuz?" Alvarado."

Of course, I won.