I have a dream of starting a band called Mesa Cosa.

Thats why I came here to Melbourne, that's what I told myself anyway.. but it seems like I came here to do everything but start a band.

I tried jamming with some guys but they were too standard, stock rock stuff... I want to make something fresh and spontaneous, a little quirky, original.. I have so many ideas, but when it comes to the crunch I do nothing.. I have half songs and half ideas and half lyrics (quarter lyrics).. and I think.. who am i? who am i to sing about anything with some sort of authority? what stories do i know?..

I wish i could make music and not think about it, worry about it.. there's so much bad stuff, i know i could write a cute song in five minutes that's better than much of the junk out there.. but i dont. And i keep on not.. maybe its because im on my own.

If i had someone to play with.. just someone to anchor me down, who shared my vision and brought enthusiasm to the table, who could spend all day jamming ditties on my bedroom floor, we could spend the day recording our favorite bits, and laughing at the happy mistakes..

I know the music is in me, i need the right setting, and so far I haven't found it. On my own im confused, lost, over analytical, perfectionist, messy. With someone to lay with i'm driven, creative, assertive, excited..

I miss my old band.. when I think of them, and when I hear our old practices and recording, I remember my musical self, a little dominating and loud, but creative, and productive. It's like an old girlfriend that had to go not for lack of love, but because we were heading separate ways.. and sometimes I miss her, and I get sad.. and I'm just waiting for the new one to come along.

I need a musical buddy, i'm getting lonely now.