"We are always on the verge of a breakthrough"

I've been reading a book named Psycho Cybernetics which is simply fantastic, up there with The Neverending Story, Calvin and Hobbes, and The Church Of The Subgenius in the Creme de La Creme of best reads I have ever undertaken.

The book basically deals with the psychology and science of self image and imagination. With the basic premise that we learn by doing, by constantly receiving negative feedback impulses which allow us to realize the negative trajectory and re align our course in order to meet our specific goal, it goes on to explain that we imagine our self image; upon which all our reality and perception of reality is built upon.

Imagine a different self image and everything changes, things impossible become possible according to our self expectation.

The book argues against the study of past hurts which need to be dug up in order to be 'overcome', (Freudian psychology) and instead recommends to let sleeping dogs lie and to move, move on, move.

It states that often in movement we fail, take the wrong choices, make the wrong decisions, and falter. However our brain does not remember or memorize these negative actions, in fact it lets them go and only reinforces the positive successes. This is the way babies learn to walk and talk, by making many mistakes, letting them go and remembering (automatically) the achievements, which reinforce in the brain until it becomes effortless habit. What this means is that the more something is done, the better we will get at it, regardless of talent, disposition or ability.

I've found this book particularly inspiring in it's scientific explanation of imagination and in its warm wise tone, it's much like a self help book without any of the wankery. The book was written in the 50's and reminds me much of the sort of wisdom my Grandfather shares regarding being assertive and not afraid to suck.

Which brings me to the plug of this blog entry by Merlin Mann on 43 Folders..

Photography, and the Tolerance for Courageous Sucking

..

This weekend I spent it at the incredible Folk Rhythm & Life festival with 1499 beautiful talented open people who shared in dancing and joy, swimming naked in water holes, healing each other and singing together. In this time I got a Tarot reading by a really beautiful intuitive girl who informed me that I am searching for inspiration and that I have a tendency to be mean to myself and to criticize my creations. It's totally true, it comes from my fear of sucking.. I think the fear stems from my childhood, when I would draw pictures for my mum and sometimes she wouldn't pay attention to the finished products. It's really not that bad and she often loved my pictures, but being a sensitive kid and believing all I did was a masterpiece, I would get so upset at her lack of notice that I would start planning my suicide or escape from home on the spot.

I was like four to six years of age, but the emotions were real... It's weird and over the top, but It must have had some effect on me.. also my old band falling apart could have helped and also having shit hacked on me by some of my old friends for trying to express myself.. I guess It was a lesson in toughen the fuck up, but at the time I soaked up the negativity like a sponge.

Since then releasing my true creativity, on my own, without a band or a backup, has been really scary, because it means getting naked and revealing myself. I know that's what people want to see, and I (like everyone) have the ability to share it... but it's really scary at times. This weekend really brought all that to focus, and for me it was extremely inspiring to realize that what I hold. is true and special.

The way I've been feeling and thinking.. it's really a time to get on with it. For example I've been taking my camera everywhere, overcoming the fear to suck, and have decided to take too many photos until the intuition grows and the photos improve. I reckon that attitude relates to all other aspects of life, taking photos freely is the same as making music and art freely, writing and singing freely, and since it operates on the same level it has the same effect, it helps you become free from yourself.

So yes, on the verge of a breakthrough, and once this one's broken through, there will be another, and I'll be on the verge of that too..

ATCHOO