I was out of anything to write today so I found this that I wrote to a friend a year ago (exactly).

Definition / Crush : You're being yourself, you have nothing to lose, somebody notices how much you are yourself and likes you for your 'nothing to lose attitude'.. you don't care, you keep being yourself, then you notice this person more, and you realize they are special too, and they like you.. NOW you have something to lose.. how not to lose it? keep doing what you were doing before! what were you doing? you start *trying* to be yourself, trying to look like you have nothing to lose instead of *being*, first person subconsciously notices, you realize they do, so you do even MORE trying, eventually they smell what they imagine is a rat, you fuck up, they walk away. REPEAT.

You may have idealized expectations and thats also a bad thing, but its nice isnt it? daydreaming, and crushes aren't the best, crushes never work out, but theyre SO fun to have! Until your heart shatters, but then you get over it and its a feeling of relief, you're hurt, but free again, so you laugh at yourself, and it's nice.

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Today was the lunar eclipse, we saw it from the backyard. This floating red sponge ball.

How crazy these occurrances must have been for the ancients and primitives. An ominous event of deep significance surely, no wonder they were so obsessed with the stars and celestials, they which we did not understand, massive and ever present.

I believe our concepts, and fascinations with something 'higher', with 'god', arose and continue from a primitive wonder of the skies. Not to invalidate something higher yet. Indeed the celestials were the 'trigger'.

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And so the red moon marks the beginning of our birthday celebrations. Its Ben. Megs and My birthdays this month.

To celebrate we're having a Month Of Lucky Dips! We have 90 individual lucky dips inside a big frog container, every day we get to pull one out.

As Ben confidently said.. "I don't believe it would be a stretch of the imagination to say that this is going to be the best month of our lives, ever.