I dont know if right now is the best time to write this, but i feel it..

My life has been going through some amazing changes lately, and i have achieved things i never thought possible. I have given up things that i never thought i would, and taken on others.. this isnt very descriptive.. its hard to be when i speak about something so personal.

Im growing.. everything has helped.. my friends, the place i live in, the food i eat, everything.. its like.. i dont know, its like im the luckiest person in the world, i dont know how, or why, i am where i am, i dont suppose it should matter to anyone but me.. all i can say is 'thank you'.

I mean it. Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You do create your environment, and your environment creates you. All anything takes is a choice, and of course it sounds easy but it doesnt seem so.. but all it is is a choice.

I went riding to my friends house to read comics with her.. on my way, riding my bike by the river, other friends of mine were on the other side, playing drums and bongo, accordion.. practicing, i heard their music, i recognized the silhouette of a hat and dropped by, precariously hopping over rocks and slimy stones to get to the other side and watch them play under the shining sun.. i ran around and looked at graffitti and at the river as they did. Its moments like those that make life amazing.. I left to read comics, my friend lent me so many, she was so happy to share them with me.. I was gushing.. i could feel my throat filling up with love.. love for everything, love for all the love ive received..

I slept in the bed of a girl i like.. we made out.. she took off my necklace and put it on and we kissed.. 'careful, thats my soul'.. I smiled, she did too, 'are you going to leave it with me?'.. 'im not sure, are you a thief?'.. 'of course not'.. and i left it, but not on purpose, i honestly forgot it. Now i feel ive left my soul with someone.. and it makes me feel naked and uncomfortable, but excited, and i dont know how things will turn, but i will get my necklace back, it will tell us more about each other than talk could do.. She wrote to me, she'd been thinking about my dream.. she thought about my dream! and wrote to me about it!.. and how it could represent troubles that i run away from that change form but mean nothing, they arent really that serious, but i keep on creating them.. she's smart, it makes sense.. i think im on my way.

..I let go of something very dear to me, not the necklace, something i've carrying my whole life that i can do without. Its a big thing.

Yoga is opening me up, i know it sounds lame, i hate those yoga guys, but so much has come in since i started, my teacher is amazing, he reads us, he helps us understands the moment. I told him about my shift, he gave me a hug.

I have been feeling strange all week.. 'like its 1999' i keep on saying, i couldnt understand it.. Steve talked to me about it. 'Do you feel outside of yourself?'

'I do!'

'Maybe youre dissociating, sometimes our brains need to disassociate to reintegrate data, to evolve, to change..'

'Wow.. maybe thats it.. so why do i feel like its 1999?'

'what happenned in 99?'

'i dunno.. i had a fever, glandular fever, it was pretty intense'

and i realized, that due to the fever i was disassociating at the time too, that was the connection, and maybe i need to be outside of myself to take in these changes, to evolve outside of me without me getting in the way.. it makes sense.. like a computer that you cant use while it defrags. My brain is on defrag...

..and its easing off, i feel better, but how can i put words to these feelings.. I can't.

This is for me, not for anyone else, you can read if you're interested, if you've read this far, know that the feeling you have for me are mutual to those i have for you.

Perfection is death, stagnation is death, change and evolution is life.

Humans have the power of autoevolution. Its a choice.

..and love is the glitch, i dont say that because i am in love. Tho i am, not to any particular or person, but generally.. We .. create.. what.. we want to experience and see.. but without us knowing, and .. well im out on philosophies, i dont mean it that way.. but .. things are bad.. and they change and its not easy, but they get better, they get worse.. Im just too full of things to say that i cant articulate.. its a communication outside of words.

Now im scratching my neck.